So guess what happened when I stepped on the scale this morning? I am now in the 180's can you believe it? I've lost a total of 77 pounds. Which to me just seems to be amazing! I can't believe that I've come this far. I don't have any recent pictures to put up - but I'm hoping that I might be able to get some soon to put up on my blog. I know it's weird to say this but I don't look anything like the picture that is up for my profile. I'm still working out. Doing lots of training, running, eating right, getting enough sleep and taking care of myself. There are times that I feel like I'm working way too much - but I think that is just a fact of life at this point. I'm looking forward to Easter this coming sunday I asked my mom if we could do a family picture. I would really like to have a family picture that is current. My sister AJ and I have changed so much in a year. So has my niece IV. She has just bloomed into this beautiful little girl. She can count to 3 now! I heard her do it myself! I'm so proud of her! She is a wonderful blessing that I think was made just for me! I'm planning on going 4 wheeling on Saturday with a few friends from my wheeling club. I can't wait to get out and enjoy wheeling in the last of the snow. Maybe I'll find a cute dress that actually fits me for Easter Sunday? Well I better get to bed! I'm a tired girl! Write when you all have time I miss everyone!
MJ
*Also I just want to thank all of you who have reached out to me and sent me comments about the rough times that I've had during my weight loss and it's kind of a weird feeling when things come up like that because I look at it as no matter what I should be happy about my weight loss; but when people do things to tear you down it's just so hard to swallow? It's very hard for me to figure out who are my friends and who are not? It just seems like sometimes people push hard to make things into a competition. I just want to put it out there ... I'm not competing with anyone. I'm getting healthy for myself and my family that I currently have been blessed with and my family in the future - meaning my child/children. I want you all to know how much your support means to me and that I can put myself out there and say what is going on with me. It means a lot! I think change is hard. I mean in general change is hard for all of us; no matter what the change is - for example becoming a parent, starting an adoption, paper chasing, waiting for a referral, losing weight, moving, changing jobs, traveling for your adoption, waiting to be chosen by a birth mother, we are all changing all at times and trying to deal with the roller coasters of our lives no matter what stage we are in. I think the fact of having people to reach out to you for you to lean on and reach back to makes all the difference. The other thing that helps me as an individual is prayer - the fact that it changes me and opens me up to new ways of thinking and lets me vent. I think venting helps me because when others identify with what I'm going through it helps me realize that I'm not alone or isolated which is one of the things that gets people down. I just want to say that I enjoy all of my fellow bloggers. The highs and the lows and reading all about their trials and tribulations. It's great to have all of you as friends. Hope you are doing well!
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
More Thoughts...
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. So....
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
I've been thinking so much about my changing life lately. My choices are changing. My thoughts are changing. My goals are changing. My actions represent all of these things. I feel older lately, seeing the larger picture of why I do the things that I do such as working out, eating healthy, and my focus of working hard towards my goals. The other distractions just seem to be fading the the wayside. I notice little things like when music is too loud. I like going to bed on time. I like getting rest and treating myself well. I like it when I drink enough water and eat on schedule. I feel more balanced. While I enjoy spending time with my friends - my family is more my main focus. The other main thing that I focus on is 4 wheeling because I feel like every time I go riding I learn something new about the sport/past time of wheeling. However there are moments in life where you start to see things differently than you always did and you just wonder how those new thoughts and views might be leading you down a new path. Although maybe I was already going down the new path and my life had already begun to change and I just hadn't realized how different my path is from those around me - until now? I guess it's just in my nature to over analyze things. I don't really mean to be that kind of person who watches for change in others and in myself; but I tend to be one of those people who really sees situations. Sometimes this is a blessing and other times it's a curse. The ability to watch a situation and see people's motivations on how they treat you or how things are being viewed is a hard pill to swallow at times. About a month or so ago.... I was feeling really excited about my weight loss and I'd fit into a little skirt - it fit and it was so cute and I was so proud of how beautiful my legs looked and how shapely my body looked and that the size 13 little skirt fit me. I mean I wasn't that small in middle school! So I never got to wear cute little things like that when I was younger because I was quite the big girl then as well. I mean when I started out on this weight loss change I was a mere 35 pounds from 3 bills. Which is just unhealthy! So back to the skirt ... the skirt is a little plaid pleated skirt a hand me down from my sister. I loved said skirt and paired it w/ a long sleeved white dress shirt and a black sweater over it. Then tights under the skirt - black opaque - because I knew the skirt was short. Then cute little Mary Jane low (1 1/2) heels. I wore the outfit to work and got compliments on how it was very cute! After going to the gym I stopped by my sister's and she had said she thought it was way too short for work ... so I said to myself that is okay I just won't wear it again to the office. After stopping at my sister's I went to my ATV club meeting and a few of the women - who I thought were great friends - were pointing and whispering about my skirt. I guess I might have thought I was imagining things but I heard my name. So what confuses me is that when other people watch me change on the outside and maybe someone like me wants to wear something that I might not have gotten to wear when I was younger, why and how do I become the object of ridicule? Are people sick of me changing? Are they just cold? Are they insecure? And when there are others that are 'suppose' to be close to you seem bent on making you feel like you don't fit in? How is it that you should react to all of these changes and their choices? I guess I just keep praying, moving forward in my life - but I keep praying that my feet don't fail me now because I am trying to focus so hard on my own goals and let go of the people who stop and stare. I've become what I thought I couldn't be ... I've worked hard to forget about what's fair in life and just keep working, focusing in on myself and my goals. I think I'm moving on, but I don't know where. I've started to wonder why I'm here and not there where others are in their paths. I know that everyone gets scared and maybe that is the point that I'm at? Steady hands just take the wheel and steer me away from the fear. It's scary becoming what you thought you never could be and overcoming obstacles that seemed impossible. Sometimes I wonder if others can see what I see? Sometimes things pull my focus away and I stand in doubt of myself. It's one of those things about me that I don't like, but maybe everyone has these moments? I don't know? Change is a glorious, wonderful, and scary journey. I guess I just hope that others know that change in any and all forms in our lives is a miracle; and never an easy feat no matter which part of the change you are on ... the person changing or the person watching someone you love or care about change.
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
I've been thinking so much about my changing life lately. My choices are changing. My thoughts are changing. My goals are changing. My actions represent all of these things. I feel older lately, seeing the larger picture of why I do the things that I do such as working out, eating healthy, and my focus of working hard towards my goals. The other distractions just seem to be fading the the wayside. I notice little things like when music is too loud. I like going to bed on time. I like getting rest and treating myself well. I like it when I drink enough water and eat on schedule. I feel more balanced. While I enjoy spending time with my friends - my family is more my main focus. The other main thing that I focus on is 4 wheeling because I feel like every time I go riding I learn something new about the sport/past time of wheeling. However there are moments in life where you start to see things differently than you always did and you just wonder how those new thoughts and views might be leading you down a new path. Although maybe I was already going down the new path and my life had already begun to change and I just hadn't realized how different my path is from those around me - until now? I guess it's just in my nature to over analyze things. I don't really mean to be that kind of person who watches for change in others and in myself; but I tend to be one of those people who really sees situations. Sometimes this is a blessing and other times it's a curse. The ability to watch a situation and see people's motivations on how they treat you or how things are being viewed is a hard pill to swallow at times. About a month or so ago.... I was feeling really excited about my weight loss and I'd fit into a little skirt - it fit and it was so cute and I was so proud of how beautiful my legs looked and how shapely my body looked and that the size 13 little skirt fit me. I mean I wasn't that small in middle school! So I never got to wear cute little things like that when I was younger because I was quite the big girl then as well. I mean when I started out on this weight loss change I was a mere 35 pounds from 3 bills. Which is just unhealthy! So back to the skirt ... the skirt is a little plaid pleated skirt a hand me down from my sister. I loved said skirt and paired it w/ a long sleeved white dress shirt and a black sweater over it. Then tights under the skirt - black opaque - because I knew the skirt was short. Then cute little Mary Jane low (1 1/2) heels. I wore the outfit to work and got compliments on how it was very cute! After going to the gym I stopped by my sister's and she had said she thought it was way too short for work ... so I said to myself that is okay I just won't wear it again to the office. After stopping at my sister's I went to my ATV club meeting and a few of the women - who I thought were great friends - were pointing and whispering about my skirt. I guess I might have thought I was imagining things but I heard my name. So what confuses me is that when other people watch me change on the outside and maybe someone like me wants to wear something that I might not have gotten to wear when I was younger, why and how do I become the object of ridicule? Are people sick of me changing? Are they just cold? Are they insecure? And when there are others that are 'suppose' to be close to you seem bent on making you feel like you don't fit in? How is it that you should react to all of these changes and their choices? I guess I just keep praying, moving forward in my life - but I keep praying that my feet don't fail me now because I am trying to focus so hard on my own goals and let go of the people who stop and stare. I've become what I thought I couldn't be ... I've worked hard to forget about what's fair in life and just keep working, focusing in on myself and my goals. I think I'm moving on, but I don't know where. I've started to wonder why I'm here and not there where others are in their paths. I know that everyone gets scared and maybe that is the point that I'm at? Steady hands just take the wheel and steer me away from the fear. It's scary becoming what you thought you never could be and overcoming obstacles that seemed impossible. Sometimes I wonder if others can see what I see? Sometimes things pull my focus away and I stand in doubt of myself. It's one of those things about me that I don't like, but maybe everyone has these moments? I don't know? Change is a glorious, wonderful, and scary journey. I guess I just hope that others know that change in any and all forms in our lives is a miracle; and never an easy feat no matter which part of the change you are on ... the person changing or the person watching someone you love or care about change.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Weight Loss Update for January 11th, 2008
So I'm sure you folks are wondering where I'm at with my weight loss. Six months ago today, I decided I wanted to change my life and not just change my life but to be a healthier person. My aim to be a healthier person was motivated by so many things.
I think that I'd like to list a few of them.
1. I wanted to be the best parent that I could possibly be - since I was thinking I would be a single parent.
2. I wanted to be able to run
3. I wanted to be a better hockey player.
4. I wanted to feel beautiful in my own skin.
5. I wanted to be someone that IV, my niece could look up too.
6. I was inspired by my sister and the way she had/has lost her baby weight from being pregnant with IV.
7. I wanted to feel sexy.
8. I wanted to see if I could make the healthy changes.
9. I wanted to be better on my wheeler.
My weight loss wasn't something that I decided on a whim, I'd thought and thought about the things that I wanted for myself and even thought about the things that I wanted for my future family. It was something that I thought that I owed it to myself to work on even if I wasn't sure I could make it? Over the past 6 months ... (yup I started on July 11th, 2007) I have started over with myself and kind of given up control of what my head tells me is best and letting EV (my trainer) tell me what I should be doing. Should I be eating this or training here - I let him guide me. I have never felt so proud of myself and so comfortable in my own skin in my whole life. I have gone through my closet and gotten rid of clothes a couple times and one of those times I tried on my prom dress from my senior high school prom which I went to alone because I didn't have a date and you know what my prom dress was too big for me. That felt incredible. A real accomplishment something that I worked for and stuck with and I did it, for myself. I'm one of those people who never does for myself. I am always doing for others and putting myself last. After six months do I still make some mistakes and struggle to eat right? Somedays are harder than others, but I really feel like I'm not scared to keep working towards my goals. Today is a special day for a couple of reasons. I've made it through six months of training, I have lost a total of 66 pounds, and I'm under 200 pounds, which is something I never thought would happen. I really want people to know that if you put your mind to a goal you can do it. I know that I couldn't have done it with out the support of my trainer EV, my sister, and my family and a great group of friends who are all so supportive. I know that I'd like to lose atleast 39 to 50 more pounds. I've enjoyed seeing my body, face, and looks change and it's funny when people don't recognize me or when my dentist asked me if I got gastric bypass surgery. I've inspired people to eat healthier, workout, and make healthy changes in their lives and that is something I never thought I could have done. The Lord has blessed me and in turn my blessings are inspiring and blessing others and that is the greatest gift I could give myself or someone else.
I think that I'd like to list a few of them.
1. I wanted to be the best parent that I could possibly be - since I was thinking I would be a single parent.
2. I wanted to be able to run
3. I wanted to be a better hockey player.
4. I wanted to feel beautiful in my own skin.
5. I wanted to be someone that IV, my niece could look up too.
6. I was inspired by my sister and the way she had/has lost her baby weight from being pregnant with IV.
7. I wanted to feel sexy.
8. I wanted to see if I could make the healthy changes.
9. I wanted to be better on my wheeler.
My weight loss wasn't something that I decided on a whim, I'd thought and thought about the things that I wanted for myself and even thought about the things that I wanted for my future family. It was something that I thought that I owed it to myself to work on even if I wasn't sure I could make it? Over the past 6 months ... (yup I started on July 11th, 2007) I have started over with myself and kind of given up control of what my head tells me is best and letting EV (my trainer) tell me what I should be doing. Should I be eating this or training here - I let him guide me. I have never felt so proud of myself and so comfortable in my own skin in my whole life. I have gone through my closet and gotten rid of clothes a couple times and one of those times I tried on my prom dress from my senior high school prom which I went to alone because I didn't have a date and you know what my prom dress was too big for me. That felt incredible. A real accomplishment something that I worked for and stuck with and I did it, for myself. I'm one of those people who never does for myself. I am always doing for others and putting myself last. After six months do I still make some mistakes and struggle to eat right? Somedays are harder than others, but I really feel like I'm not scared to keep working towards my goals. Today is a special day for a couple of reasons. I've made it through six months of training, I have lost a total of 66 pounds, and I'm under 200 pounds, which is something I never thought would happen. I really want people to know that if you put your mind to a goal you can do it. I know that I couldn't have done it with out the support of my trainer EV, my sister, and my family and a great group of friends who are all so supportive. I know that I'd like to lose atleast 39 to 50 more pounds. I've enjoyed seeing my body, face, and looks change and it's funny when people don't recognize me or when my dentist asked me if I got gastric bypass surgery. I've inspired people to eat healthier, workout, and make healthy changes in their lives and that is something I never thought I could have done. The Lord has blessed me and in turn my blessings are inspiring and blessing others and that is the greatest gift I could give myself or someone else.
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