Update on my Weight Loss

So guess what happened when I stepped on the scale this morning? I am now in the 180's can you believe it? I've lost a total of 77 pounds. Which to me just seems to be amazing! I can't believe that I've come this far. I don't have any recent pictures to put up - but I'm hoping that I might be able to get some soon to put up on my blog. I know it's weird to say this but I don't look anything like the picture that is up for my profile. I'm still working out. Doing lots of training, running, eating right, getting enough sleep and taking care of myself. There are times that I feel like I'm working way too much - but I think that is just a fact of life at this point. I'm looking forward to Easter this coming sunday I asked my mom if we could do a family picture. I would really like to have a family picture that is current. My sister AJ and I have changed so much in a year. So has my niece IV. She has just bloomed into this beautiful little girl. She can count to 3 now! I heard her do it myself! I'm so proud of her! She is a wonderful blessing that I think was made just for me! I'm planning on going 4 wheeling on Saturday with a few friends from my wheeling club. I can't wait to get out and enjoy wheeling in the last of the snow. Maybe I'll find a cute dress that actually fits me for Easter Sunday? Well I better get to bed! I'm a tired girl! Write when you all have time I miss everyone!
MJ
*Also I just want to thank all of you who have reached out to me and sent me comments about the rough times that I've had during my weight loss and it's kind of a weird feeling when things come up like that because I look at it as no matter what I should be happy about my weight loss; but when people do things to tear you down it's just so hard to swallow? It's very hard for me to figure out who are my friends and who are not? It just seems like sometimes people push hard to make things into a competition. I just want to put it out there ... I'm not competing with anyone. I'm getting healthy for myself and my family that I currently have been blessed with and my family in the future - meaning my child/children. I want you all to know how much your support means to me and that I can put myself out there and say what is going on with me. It means a lot! I think change is hard. I mean in general change is hard for all of us; no matter what the change is - for example becoming a parent, starting an adoption, paper chasing, waiting for a referral, losing weight, moving, changing jobs, traveling for your adoption, waiting to be chosen by a birth mother, we are all changing all at times and trying to deal with the roller coasters of our lives no matter what stage we are in. I think the fact of having people to reach out to you for you to lean on and reach back to makes all the difference. The other thing that helps me as an individual is prayer - the fact that it changes me and opens me up to new ways of thinking and lets me vent. I think venting helps me because when others identify with what I'm going through it helps me realize that I'm not alone or isolated which is one of the things that gets people down. I just want to say that I enjoy all of my fellow bloggers. The highs and the lows and reading all about their trials and tribulations. It's great to have all of you as friends. Hope you are doing well!

The Nanny Diaries Post ...

So I'm sure all of you knew that I'd have to see The Nanny Diaries Movie.... I'd read the book when it came out quite a while back. The movie itself was very hard for me to watch. Not because I have a bad situation where I nanny at .. but because I've been in the main characters shoes where you just love the children so much you just wish that it was different than it really is... in other words from my point of view I've always been dreaming of the time when I'd have my own children and I'd be the 'Mommy' - the one that they wanted at night & when they had a boo boo or an owie. I'm trying hard to focus on the positive things in my life, such as family, friends, my weigh loss, exercising, 4 wheeling. I don't have the money to start my adoption and I'm afraid things are just not going to come together for me. Although I wonder in a sense if the reason why I can't afford things right now is because it's not the time for me to start or I'm just not waiting and being patient for God's plan. There are somedays, I just feel overwhelmed by the fact that I'm working two jobs and I'm still not able to save the cash to get through the first part of my adoption - my goal has been to save up enough money to get through submitting my dossier. Right now I only have enough money to get through the homestudy visits. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled through this point in their adoption journey waiting to have the cash to start is just frustration. I keep thinking that I'm working on myself right now & I'm loosing the excess weight (I'm down 46 lbs. & have only 54lbs. to go) and getting healthy so that I'll be able to be a great mom to my child, so in my own little way I am working on the process. I haven't had much luck w/ searching for a new job that makes more money so that I wouldn't be forced to work two jobs to make ends meet, but I know that I need for that to happen because when I have a child I won't be able to work evenings, nights, and weekends anymore because I'll want & need to be home w/ my child. Something else I've been thinking about is going overseas to Russia to just volunteer in an orphanage. It's just that it would use up the money that I've saved towards my adoption. I've got plenty of vacation time left. I actually have 11 days of vacation left for this year and to volunteer in Russia they are two week stays. It would just seem like while I would be doing well for the children that I'd be helping in the time that I was in Russia I wouldn't be working towards the goal of adopting a child on my own. Which brings me to another thing that happened not to long ago... while I was talking with a family member... (who I'm sure did not mean any harm by the statement) the comment was made that now that I'm losing weight that I'll be able to have children the right way after I get married. The comment hurt my feelings very badly not because I wouldn't want to have bio children if I was married but because even if I get married I would still like to adopt because it has touched my heart and my very soul. So after trying to express that fact .... I was informed that if I could have my own children ... why on earth would you want to go through adoption it's so expensive and time consuming. The person just kept on about the cons of adopting and my heart just felt so sad and weighted down by the fact that I wasn't being supported in wanting something because I felt like it was the right choice for me. Have any of you had similar experiences?
Also I want to say Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of my blog friends who prayed for my sister. After some trying times she is back to herself for the most part and has been doing great! IV is still able to breastfeed and everything has worked out wonderfully. All the prayers worked! Thank you all so much.
I'm sorry that I haven't blogged in so long, things have just been so very busy w/ work and the fall season. I've been spending as much time as I can w/ my family and also working as much as I can w/ the christmas season coming up soon! I enjoy all of your blogs and thanks so much for sharing your journeys and lives w/ me. - MandyJo