Happy Monday!

Check this out ... made me smile today!  If you don't understand I ride Bombardier and Polaris is our ARCH ENEMY.... think Batman & the Joker... of course I'm BATMAN with the Bombardier!  Hee Hee!    

On another note wordpress isn't cooperating so I may have to email my blog buddy Jenna and ask her for help!    Anyway I just wanted you guys to know what is going on with me!   

Happy Monday! 

Oh and I just want everyone to know I have the best sister out there!   I was having a rough day/week and she just went out of her way today to write to me even though she is busy and make me smile!   

Moving my Blog...

I'm moving my blog to wordpress.com so that I can have posts about my family that are private. If you know me in real life and would like to read those posts or you are one of my bloggy friends that I've emailed with and gotten to know please request the password and I'll send it to you!  

Here's my new blog! 

singlegalmj@wordpress.com

I look forward to hearing from you there or here!  I'll be keeping this one until I figure out how to import everything or if I have to copy it then I will.    

Have a great Sunday night! 

whew....

Do you ever just have one of those days where you are just struggling for which way to go and what to do?   

I'm starting to think hard about selling my 4 wheeler,  it just seems as though lately it's hard to find people to go riding with on the weekends and instead of actually going 4 wheeling - my wheeler sits in the garage collecting dust.   Maybe it's the gas prices,  maybe it's that the people I used to go riding with don't want to go anymore,  or maybe I just feel like I should consolidate and move on?   In a way I don't want to see the 4 wheeler get sold because it's the one thing that I do for fun for myself.   On the other hand if I'm not really using it then what's the point in having it?   Which leads to if I sell that then I really don't need a truck anymore and I could just have an economical small car that gets better gas mileage - such as a mini cooper, vw beetle convertible, or a nissan maxima coupe.   Those are a few of the cars that I have seen that I like and wouldn't mind driving.   

Oh the choices in life ... are confusing at times. 

Thoughts of a girl.... I lost touch with....

I don't even know how to start this post, but I feel like I'm in a spot where I feel like I don't have a good grip on my feelings.   I found out this morning that a girl who I went to high school with died on Wednesday.    Now mind you I remember being friends with her in middle school and high school.   She was sweet and funny.  Sometimes goofy - but after high school I lost touch with a whole lot of people.   I just didn't try to stay in touch and when the reunion things came around to be honest I never really felt good about high school - who I was,  where I was in my life, or any of those things so I avoided those reunions at all costs.   Now fast forward to today a little over 12 years since I graduated from high school.  I find out this morning that Julie Steiskal, the girl I was talking about drowned trying to save a youth from her church who'd slipped & fallen.   This young girl and Julie drown in the Temperance river in northern Minnesota.   I feel conflicted and sad - that Julie died trying to help someone else. Looking  online at all the news stories,  I found Julie's website and that she did photography.   www.juliesteiskal.com  - after looking through her website today I felt that I wish I would have taken the time to keep in touch with her.   She literally lived 15 minutes from me.   Which all this time I had no idea.   I guess it just goes to show that maybe I need to be more open and also to look around me and cherish those in my life that I have been blessed with - I can't help but feel sad for Julie's family and friends who were close to her, because even though I hadn't seen her in all those years she still has that beautiful smile that I remember from being in band, choir, & school together.   I've been praying all day for Julie, her family, and her friends.   I don't know why this accident has touched me so - but I have to wonder if it's God reminding me how precious our time is everyday.   How we should cherish the ones we love the ones we have because none of us know that the next moment could be our last.   I have to have faith and believe that everything happens for a reason, it just makes me sad that someone who was always so sweet and funny could be gone in a blink of an eye trying to help another.   If any of you out there read this post and find it in your hearts to pray for Julie, her family and friends that would be wonderful.   Thank you ahead of time.  

I guess I didn't realize how much feeling I had about this almost like regret that I didn't know who she became or who she was at this point in her life.   Not that I had all the control in the situation - but my heart hurts for her family and friends.   I wish I could put my feelings into words more eloquently - but I just don't know how else to describe the way I'm feeling right now.   As the tears stream down my face,  I'm praying for peace for both families of the girls who were taken in that rushing river.  

Article on Adoption Benefits

Check out the article I found on CNN.com tonight!    This is a good thing! 

Last Weekend

Last weekend I did the walk & roll in our town with my sister & IV.   My mom works for State Farm and she had a tent at the walk & roll.   Not to brag, but I think we are some pretty cute ladies.  My mom emailed me the picture.  We walked & IV rolled in her stroller.   It was a great day!   We had so much fun!   Can't wait to do it again next year!   

AJ, Mom, IV, & Me

C'mon Go VOTE & Prayer Request!

Check this out link

Please go & vote for Max's mom Sira - so that she can have a wonderful wedding!  

Here's a link to Sira's blog 

Have a great day!   

Nn another note,  I don't want to say a specific person but a friend of mine could really use prayers right now,  I can't say her name on the public blog - but I'm sure God knows who I have in  mind and what her families situation is - could you please pray for her.   She is such a sweet gal and so supportive and I really look up to her (even though she's younger than I am - HA!)!  Thanks folks & have a great day! 

A post that touched my heart...

So I read this post.

It made me feel so much.  It made me feel like I don't understand people.   So I wrote a comment to Angie - the blog's author because I want her to know that not everyone out there is like those people who did that to her.   So I wrote her a response and I wanted to make sure and share it with all who read my blog.  Please take a look below.  

Dear Angie - I wanted you to know that I found your blog though Adrienne's Blog (Owen) - I'm a single gal looking to adopt; actually better to put it this way - I'm a single gal who's still hoping to get married and then adopt!   I've posted a few comments here and there of encouragement and love.  I've said prayers for you, Audrey, your husband, your girls and the rest of your family.  I check your blog every few days in hopes of seeing how you are doing be it bad or good.  I'm sorry to hear that someone would have mis-represented themselves to you and that is why I wanted to post a comment today so I didn't seem like a blog stalker, who never posts a comment and never lets you know I'm around checking, praying and hoping things will go better for you and your entire family.  I'm here to say that (from knowledge that I've gained in the past year) in my own personal experiences sometimes people take out their hurt on others.  I'm not sure why this is or why they feel compelled to do these things?  I know that my situation is not anywhere near yours...  (I'm sure you haven't had time to check out my blog) but it seems like when things go well in my life others sometimes feel compelled to tear me down.  It's up to me what I do with my hurt and disappointment though - and I choose everyday to keep evolving, changing, and working to be the best person that I can be - the gal that God meant for me to be.  All that being said doesn't take away the hurt that is sometimes caused by and it's not meant to really just that on a daily basis we all have to choose how to react to everything around us.   I want you to know that as much as I don't know you very well and have only read your blog - I enjoy who you are and how you share and that you are honest and caring.  I aspire to be more like that as I evolve into the gal that the Lord meant me to be.  Maybe that is the reason I happened in on your blog about Audrey so that I would see some of the things that are admirable in others.   One never knows why certain people touch our hearts, but I tend to believe it's the Lord's way of sending us in the right direction.... his God breezes. 

Now that I've shared with you all how I feel that God touches our lives - I just wanted to let all of my blog friends who've taken the time to be supportive, caring, and loving to me, my family, and friends that I cherish all of you.   I believe that God brings people together for reasons that may never be known to all of us.   I've prayed for each and everyone of my blog friends and you are all special to me in many different ways.  The fact that I'm inspired and touched by your stories that I learn and am taught and I'm able to share my ideas, feelings, and stories is a wonderful thing for me.   I hope that I help all of you as much as I can as well even if it is in being a sounding board.   I feel blessed to have 'met' each and everyone of you.   Thanks for all you do for me, the Lord, and each other this network is important & so special.   

UPDATE

Hey - I'm updating my blog from being gone on several occasions and then there have been some posts that I'd been working on for a while - so if you want to see them all make sure that you scroll all the way down to see all of the latest posts.  I think I did 4 posts yesterday, but I'm dating them when they should have been posted so that they are in order. 

MJ

Adoption - beware this post ... has some landminds!

Word of advice: reader beware ... blogger is thinking out loud and using said blog as a sounding board!

Has anyone used this agency?

Children's Home Society - if so could you give me some information about it & what you think ?

http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org/home.html

I've been thinking about adopting so much lately; in fact it's on my mind so much it's hard to focus on other things. I've been thinking about switching programs from Russia to Ethiopia? I've been thinking about switching agencies because the agency that I loved CHI - doesn't have a representative in Minnesota anymore. I've been thinking about switching agencies as well because CHI doesn't allow singles to adopt from anywhere but Russia unless you want an older child and I've heard about so many problems with Kaz. I had been toying with the idea of Vietnam for a while but with the government shut downs - I'm sure it wouldn't be a great idea to get my hopes up for that - then I started reading this blog http://russianbrown.blogspot.com/ and thought that maybe open adoption might be something I could be interested in after all.
I'm held back by my desire to be a stay at home mom. Is that wrong to want that even though I haven't found a prince charming? I know that there are people out there who say I should give it some time and give myself a chance to meet someone. I think in my head that they are right, but in my heart I long to be a mom. Question is should I wait in hopes of having everything that I've dreamed of .... ie: a husband, a child, being able to be a homemaker - which by the way is a great profession. I know that when i was a nanny, I really really loved it. Even though I did go to school at night and it was hard to hand the babies over at the end of the day. I was always excited for them to wake up in the morning just so I could see their little faces. I know that when you become a parent that you give up things like being able to do whatever you want whenever you want, but when what I really want is to make a home for a family/husband/child - are you really giving up something that you'll miss. I've read that quote that goes something like this: 'We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -Joseph Campbell. Maybe that is what parenthood is really like - you give up the life that you've built as a single person or a couple to make way for the life that is waiting filled with children and all that comes with them. I have talked to some other single adoptive moms - who say it's the best decision that they've ever made. I haven't heard any comments that are negative from singles who have become adoptive parents. I guess it might make me feel better if I heard something from someone like Melissa at http://www.child-of-mine.blogspot.com/. She is honest about her feelings and I'm not saying that the single moms aren't - but on most blogs you don't hear about the tough times. I guess I'm just not sure what I want to do, should I wait and take my time to see what is suppose to happen for me? Keep working on myself? Or do I just go ahead with an adoption, because being a parent is what I want and then hope for the best if I'm unhappy because I have to drop my child off at daycare for 10 hours a day while I'm commuting/working? Even though it breaks my heart to say that out loud - I'm trying to be realistic about what a person is going to face. How will I work on attachment issues when my child is with someone else for the majority of her day? Sighs... this is my argument that I have with myself when I think about adopting because I can't tell if I'm being selfish for wanting a child that I can't spend as much time with as I'd like to ... or am I just worrying about things that won't really matter to me once the child is here?

Does any of this make sense to anyone ... feel free to comment - at this point I'm so frustrated I don't even know what to think? I know there are fellow bloggers out there in both situations where they work &/or don't work outside the home. There are single ladies who have adopted and who I envy at their decision making skills and their ability to make it through all this on their own. I guess I'm just struggling with what is right for me & building my family. Does anyone now wonder why I haven't moved forward with an adoption or turned in an application? I have filled them out and completed and signed them. I just can't answer these questions that loom for me like a dark shadowy cloud - so I hesitate about turning it in. When I pray about it - I still feel un-certain so I keep wondering if that is God's way of telling me it's not time for you Mandy? Maybe the thing I need to learn is listening for the signs and patience for the sign to be clear? Sighs.....

Please tell me what you all think ....

Follow up ... on Previous Two Posts

So in my previous two posts ... I've talked about the fact that I'm struggling.

Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you feel like you are reaching certain goals, but at the same time other things are just coming apart at the seams? I feel like I don't have any close friends anymore; for example other than my sister and the folks that I hang out with from my 4 wheeling club. I'm really lacking in the friend department. I don't have girlfriends that I can call and grab some dinner. Girlfriends that I can call and go shopping! Girlfriends who would like to grab some coffee and talk about the day. Sometimes that just makes me feel lonesome. I feel like I used to have lots of girlfriends to hang out & chat. These days everyone is just so busy those times are a rarity.

Now I'm not at all trying to down play the time that I spend with my sister & IV - I spend a lot of time with them in fact most of my time that I'm not working or sleeping I spend with them, partially due to the lacking in the friend department. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with AJ & IV - because I do so much; it's just I've started to wonder about my life changing. I know that everyone goes through changes in their lives & maybe mine has to due with my changing jobs, changing habits, or just growing apart? I'm really not sure?

As I sit here in my goal jeans that I bought last July - I keep wondering; when you change on the outside and then slowly change on the inside - are you the only one that is effected or is everyone around you effected as well? Do I push people away by talking about the changes that I've made in my life? Is it my appearance? Is it that I'm not the same person that others enjoyed being friends with? I don't know? Maybe my struggle lies within all of these questions? I want to be honest about the fact that there are things that are happening that I'm telling you a year ago I would've sworn up and down that would never happen to me and my girlfriends.

Shortly after I started my new job; I started praying about it and asking the Lord to send me a new friend. I have made a new friend at the office and she's a great gal. She likes to go running at lunch with me! It's so fun. I'm hoping that our new friendship will blossom into having someone to talk to and have fun with! I'm very happy that I've made a new friend. I guess I just have to pray and hope that everything turns out for the best. I guess I just wonder what I've done wrong. Or is it about doing something wrong as much as it is about people changing? I don't know I guess, which leaves me a little frustrated, because I just want to know what causes things to happen. Possibly so that I can avoid said things in the future.

I know that I don't usually post about being upset or having frustrations, but I want to be honest at the same time and let you all know why I've been having some trouble posting lately. This is one of the things that is bothering me so I'm putting it out there for the world to see.... As well as the fact that I've again been thinking about my adoption wishes and it troubles me as well ... but I'll save that for my next post!

I hope that this finds you all happy and healthy! Many blessings - MandyJo

South Dakota 2008 - May 14th thru May 19th

South Dakota 2008 - May 14th thru May 19th

So here is where I went on vacation in May:

http://www.recsprings.com/

I recommend staying here if you ever go to the Black Hills of South Dakota - it's owned by a father & son and they are really a great family. It's not fancy, but the food is good & they treat you like family! Papa Joe is a great guy, so is his son little Joe! I really enjoy going there with them, every year and I'm even thinking about going back in the fall to see the leaves change in the Black Hills.

So here are some pictures from my trip: I'll try to put in some info under each one.....

This is the first day ... it's me with my wheeler @ the top of one of the power line trails. 

The Black Hills are so beautiful!  It feels like you are on the top of the world! 

Here's me & my friends Greg and Carol.  At the Highest Peak in South Dakota. 

Here is me catching some air and jumping over the hill!  LOL!   I hope to show my kids this some day so they'll know that their mom wasn't always bossy and lame!  LOL! 

This is Carol & Me - I think this is Terry's Peak.   Can you believe we had snow in the middle of May!   In some places it was hip deep!   There were a whole lot of pulling wheelers out when people got stuck! 

Here's me on another day!   I don't think my pictures are in order because this is one of the later days when it had gotten warmer! 

My wheeler taking in some sun! 

Here's me, Dan, & Brandon - taking a break!   You can tell it's me in the picture because my pigtails are sticking out the bottom of my helmet! 

The sky is so clear and beautiful in the Black Hills :) !!

I walked half way up the power-line hill to take pictures of all the riders as they came down the hill & Dan was last so I asked him for a ride down the hill!   Dan went a little faster than I was thinking he would!  HA! 

Mount Rushmore...... 

On Wednesday - I took the day and drove from MN to SD - it took me about 10 hours & then when I got there that night I just checked into the hotel and slept.  Then when I got up in the morning - Dan & Bette had arrived during the night - so we went to breakfast.  After breakfast there were lots of people there from my atv club and we went and rode the whole day!   

The next few days: Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday we rode - I even lead the group on Saturday - I was really proud that I was able to lead such a large group of riders.   We would ride all day and then come in for dinner in the evenings and then just hang out at night at the resort.  In my opinion it's a really great vacation because you don't have to run around a whole lot if you don't want to... we were able to go everywhere on our wheelers - which I love!   I just turned over 2000 miles on my 2006 Bombardier Outlander 650 XT - which feels like a whole lot of miles!   Oh well I've enjoyed every single mile!   I have worked hard to learn everything about 4 wheeling and I play hard every time I go out!   I drove home on Monday and then took the day on Tuesday to relax and unpack!  I stayed home with IV.   It was nice!  

This is Sunday - and this is the whole group lined up in front of the lodge w/ Papa Joe, Little Joe, his girlfriend and their puppy Missy.    Then the turkey on the left hand side of the picture really really liked Ashley the little girl on the left.   It would follow her around all weekend!   Too funny! 

This shows how many riders we had ... there was only me and one other in front of the wheelers shown in the picture! 

Here's all of us trying to get a group picture! 

More wheelers! 

All of us in line - in South Dakota, you can ride 4 wheelers on the road!  It rocks! 

If you ever get to take your kids here it's a great place to visit for families - there are some nice images of the Black Hills in the Movie National Treasure 2 - Book of Secrets - it's a great movie so if you haven't checked it out!  Think about renting it for 'date' night with the one you love!   So that was my vacation!   Hope you'll all enjoy all the pictures I know that I had a blast! 

MandyJo

Do you every feel like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdOxZVOiJWM


I was trying to get out of the office today to leave to go 4 wheeling and this afternoon it seemed like my day started to go just like the above link.... take a look! It's really kind of funny yet frustrating at the same time!

(By the way I did see this on somone else's blog - but it described my day as well... so I just had to share!)

Favorite Photo on Monday

Here is my favorite photo of my favorite little girl's curls :) - What a sweet sweet baby she is and I'm having a hard time with the fact that she is about to be almost a year and a half old this summer - right now she is 16 months old. She'll not hit the 17th month mark until the 12th of this month. So a few days we have left of sixteen month old IV.

I posted a picture of IV, because she always makes me smile and I had a rather rough weekend when it comes to people/friends making plans and then canceling or just really seeming like when you show up they would have rather that you didn't show up at all. I'll have to write more about this later. I'll also post about why there are no more face shots of my favorite little girl. I just wanted to say that I've been praying and thinking about all of you out there and I hope that you are doing well.
MJ

Is It May Already?

I can't believe that it's May already! I am very happy to see that spring has brought so many children home to their forever families! Congrats to everyone!
Troy, Rachel & Little D - http://journeywiththewilliamsfamily.blogspot.com/
Janine & Family - http://finding--emily.blogspot.com/
The O'Neal Family - http://www.oneal-itsasmallworld.blogspot.com/
Carey & Norman - http://russianfairytale.blogspot.com/
and one family that has been waiting so long and I'm so especially happy for:
Debbie & Dave with New Baby Izzy - (I wonder why I love that name as well? *wink*wink) http://russianbrown.blogspot.com/

So to each and everyone of you! I'm so happy that you've come together! Congrats!

Also if anyone has wondered why I am not posting pictures of my little niece IV anymore it's because her dad EV - doesn't want her pictures posted online anymore :( - so I was asked to stop posting them online. I'm a little sad about this because she is just so important in my life, but I have to respect their wishes. So the next one that I will post does not show her little face only her curls.

I posted the above picture of me from Saturday night out dancing. I was trying to do my America's Next Top Model Pose - but I really can't seem to get it perfected! Yes I watch that show I know I'm crazy but hey I have started to like fashion just a little bit! Do you think that the hat is too much? The jeans are so cute I Love them! I like the little top as well and the boots where ones that I wear to work and just switched them to a going out outfit. Oh and I want to add a few more because I went out with my sister AJ & EV my brother in law/trainer!


I just love how my sister and her husband are so cute together! I just love it! They are adorable. Plus they look so romantic when they dance together and smile and stuff! I can't help but be a tiny bit jealous!

Here is me & AJ dancing together we had so much fun! I think I had more fun on Saturday night than I did on my birthday.
So I had some great times with my family this weekend and I really needed that time. We had dinner on Sunday night with the whole family and that was nice for us all to get together.

I have to separate the post about the stuff that was bothering me because I just don't want to lump it in with the stuff that is good in my life. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! I'm hopefully going to be updating the layout of my blog soon because I want to freshen it up for spring!

Miss hearing from you all and I'm enjoying your blogs immensely!

New Picture

Here's a new picture of what I look like as of today! I actually went shopping and got a suit that is my size! Plus I just picked up the peep toe shoes because they were just too cute not to get them! Just thought I would post a picture for fun! Not much going on with me right now - just working, working out, school, and I'm excited because we are taking IV to the zoo as a family on Saturday! I'm really looking forward to that! There are suppose to be farm babies at the Minnesota Zoo!

I know so many of you are going though so much right now with waiting for a referral, traveling for your adoptions, waiting for the next trip, or you just got your child home! Just wanted to say I'm so happy for all of you no matter what stage you are at with your adoption. I think it's so wonderful how the community works together to support each other!

I'm started to get excited about spring! I've even been thinking about starting to run outside to see if that will help with my weight loss. I have about 22-37 pounds left to lose and it's not going quickly! Not that I'm complaining... just stating the obvious! Hope you are all doing well!

MandyJo

Update on my Weight Loss

So guess what happened when I stepped on the scale this morning? I am now in the 180's can you believe it? I've lost a total of 77 pounds. Which to me just seems to be amazing! I can't believe that I've come this far. I don't have any recent pictures to put up - but I'm hoping that I might be able to get some soon to put up on my blog. I know it's weird to say this but I don't look anything like the picture that is up for my profile. I'm still working out. Doing lots of training, running, eating right, getting enough sleep and taking care of myself. There are times that I feel like I'm working way too much - but I think that is just a fact of life at this point. I'm looking forward to Easter this coming sunday I asked my mom if we could do a family picture. I would really like to have a family picture that is current. My sister AJ and I have changed so much in a year. So has my niece IV. She has just bloomed into this beautiful little girl. She can count to 3 now! I heard her do it myself! I'm so proud of her! She is a wonderful blessing that I think was made just for me! I'm planning on going 4 wheeling on Saturday with a few friends from my wheeling club. I can't wait to get out and enjoy wheeling in the last of the snow. Maybe I'll find a cute dress that actually fits me for Easter Sunday? Well I better get to bed! I'm a tired girl! Write when you all have time I miss everyone!
MJ
*Also I just want to thank all of you who have reached out to me and sent me comments about the rough times that I've had during my weight loss and it's kind of a weird feeling when things come up like that because I look at it as no matter what I should be happy about my weight loss; but when people do things to tear you down it's just so hard to swallow? It's very hard for me to figure out who are my friends and who are not? It just seems like sometimes people push hard to make things into a competition. I just want to put it out there ... I'm not competing with anyone. I'm getting healthy for myself and my family that I currently have been blessed with and my family in the future - meaning my child/children. I want you all to know how much your support means to me and that I can put myself out there and say what is going on with me. It means a lot! I think change is hard. I mean in general change is hard for all of us; no matter what the change is - for example becoming a parent, starting an adoption, paper chasing, waiting for a referral, losing weight, moving, changing jobs, traveling for your adoption, waiting to be chosen by a birth mother, we are all changing all at times and trying to deal with the roller coasters of our lives no matter what stage we are in. I think the fact of having people to reach out to you for you to lean on and reach back to makes all the difference. The other thing that helps me as an individual is prayer - the fact that it changes me and opens me up to new ways of thinking and lets me vent. I think venting helps me because when others identify with what I'm going through it helps me realize that I'm not alone or isolated which is one of the things that gets people down. I just want to say that I enjoy all of my fellow bloggers. The highs and the lows and reading all about their trials and tribulations. It's great to have all of you as friends. Hope you are doing well!

03.08.08 - Wheeling weekend in Danbury, Wisconsin

This is last weekend - I went up with a group of friends to Danbury, Wisconsin to go 4 wheeling for the whole weekend!



Danbury, WI 03.08.08

We had a good time! I spent two Saturdays in a row up in Danbury, Wisconsin 4 wheeling. I had a great time this weekend and we had great weather. A little cold for some but I dressed super warm and stayed warm even after the sun went down. If you ever get to go to Danbury it's a great little tourist spot. It was really a fun place to stay! Hope you are all doing well. Thanks for all the comments, thoughts, and responses to what is going on with me!

Open Trails ATV Club Ride in Danbury, Wisconsin

3/1/08 Open Trails ATV Club Ride in Danbury, Wisconsin

Here are a few pictures from club ride!



Danbury, WI - Open Trails ATV Club Ride 3.1.08

Incase the above slide show doesn't work here's another link:
http://good-times.webshots.com/slideshow/562746219CTCxmO

More Thoughts...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. So....

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

I've been thinking so much about my changing life lately. My choices are changing. My thoughts are changing. My goals are changing. My actions represent all of these things. I feel older lately, seeing the larger picture of why I do the things that I do such as working out, eating healthy, and my focus of working hard towards my goals. The other distractions just seem to be fading the the wayside. I notice little things like when music is too loud. I like going to bed on time. I like getting rest and treating myself well. I like it when I drink enough water and eat on schedule. I feel more balanced. While I enjoy spending time with my friends - my family is more my main focus. The other main thing that I focus on is 4 wheeling because I feel like every time I go riding I learn something new about the sport/past time of wheeling. However there are moments in life where you start to see things differently than you always did and you just wonder how those new thoughts and views might be leading you down a new path. Although maybe I was already going down the new path and my life had already begun to change and I just hadn't realized how different my path is from those around me - until now? I guess it's just in my nature to over analyze things. I don't really mean to be that kind of person who watches for change in others and in myself; but I tend to be one of those people who really sees situations. Sometimes this is a blessing and other times it's a curse. The ability to watch a situation and see people's motivations on how they treat you or how things are being viewed is a hard pill to swallow at times. About a month or so ago.... I was feeling really excited about my weight loss and I'd fit into a little skirt - it fit and it was so cute and I was so proud of how beautiful my legs looked and how shapely my body looked and that the size 13 little skirt fit me. I mean I wasn't that small in middle school! So I never got to wear cute little things like that when I was younger because I was quite the big girl then as well. I mean when I started out on this weight loss change I was a mere 35 pounds from 3 bills. Which is just unhealthy! So back to the skirt ... the skirt is a little plaid pleated skirt a hand me down from my sister. I loved said skirt and paired it w/ a long sleeved white dress shirt and a black sweater over it. Then tights under the skirt - black opaque - because I knew the skirt was short. Then cute little Mary Jane low (1 1/2) heels. I wore the outfit to work and got compliments on how it was very cute! After going to the gym I stopped by my sister's and she had said she thought it was way too short for work ... so I said to myself that is okay I just won't wear it again to the office. After stopping at my sister's I went to my ATV club meeting and a few of the women - who I thought were great friends - were pointing and whispering about my skirt. I guess I might have thought I was imagining things but I heard my name. So what confuses me is that when other people watch me change on the outside and maybe someone like me wants to wear something that I might not have gotten to wear when I was younger, why and how do I become the object of ridicule? Are people sick of me changing? Are they just cold? Are they insecure? And when there are others that are 'suppose' to be close to you seem bent on making you feel like you don't fit in? How is it that you should react to all of these changes and their choices? I guess I just keep praying, moving forward in my life - but I keep praying that my feet don't fail me now because I am trying to focus so hard on my own goals and let go of the people who stop and stare. I've become what I thought I couldn't be ... I've worked hard to forget about what's fair in life and just keep working, focusing in on myself and my goals. I think I'm moving on, but I don't know where. I've started to wonder why I'm here and not there where others are in their paths. I know that everyone gets scared and maybe that is the point that I'm at? Steady hands just take the wheel and steer me away from the fear. It's scary becoming what you thought you never could be and overcoming obstacles that seemed impossible. Sometimes I wonder if others can see what I see? Sometimes things pull my focus away and I stand in doubt of myself. It's one of those things about me that I don't like, but maybe everyone has these moments? I don't know? Change is a glorious, wonderful, and scary journey. I guess I just hope that others know that change in any and all forms in our lives is a miracle; and never an easy feat no matter which part of the change you are on ... the person changing or the person watching someone you love or care about change.