More Thoughts...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. So....

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

I've been thinking so much about my changing life lately. My choices are changing. My thoughts are changing. My goals are changing. My actions represent all of these things. I feel older lately, seeing the larger picture of why I do the things that I do such as working out, eating healthy, and my focus of working hard towards my goals. The other distractions just seem to be fading the the wayside. I notice little things like when music is too loud. I like going to bed on time. I like getting rest and treating myself well. I like it when I drink enough water and eat on schedule. I feel more balanced. While I enjoy spending time with my friends - my family is more my main focus. The other main thing that I focus on is 4 wheeling because I feel like every time I go riding I learn something new about the sport/past time of wheeling. However there are moments in life where you start to see things differently than you always did and you just wonder how those new thoughts and views might be leading you down a new path. Although maybe I was already going down the new path and my life had already begun to change and I just hadn't realized how different my path is from those around me - until now? I guess it's just in my nature to over analyze things. I don't really mean to be that kind of person who watches for change in others and in myself; but I tend to be one of those people who really sees situations. Sometimes this is a blessing and other times it's a curse. The ability to watch a situation and see people's motivations on how they treat you or how things are being viewed is a hard pill to swallow at times. About a month or so ago.... I was feeling really excited about my weight loss and I'd fit into a little skirt - it fit and it was so cute and I was so proud of how beautiful my legs looked and how shapely my body looked and that the size 13 little skirt fit me. I mean I wasn't that small in middle school! So I never got to wear cute little things like that when I was younger because I was quite the big girl then as well. I mean when I started out on this weight loss change I was a mere 35 pounds from 3 bills. Which is just unhealthy! So back to the skirt ... the skirt is a little plaid pleated skirt a hand me down from my sister. I loved said skirt and paired it w/ a long sleeved white dress shirt and a black sweater over it. Then tights under the skirt - black opaque - because I knew the skirt was short. Then cute little Mary Jane low (1 1/2) heels. I wore the outfit to work and got compliments on how it was very cute! After going to the gym I stopped by my sister's and she had said she thought it was way too short for work ... so I said to myself that is okay I just won't wear it again to the office. After stopping at my sister's I went to my ATV club meeting and a few of the women - who I thought were great friends - were pointing and whispering about my skirt. I guess I might have thought I was imagining things but I heard my name. So what confuses me is that when other people watch me change on the outside and maybe someone like me wants to wear something that I might not have gotten to wear when I was younger, why and how do I become the object of ridicule? Are people sick of me changing? Are they just cold? Are they insecure? And when there are others that are 'suppose' to be close to you seem bent on making you feel like you don't fit in? How is it that you should react to all of these changes and their choices? I guess I just keep praying, moving forward in my life - but I keep praying that my feet don't fail me now because I am trying to focus so hard on my own goals and let go of the people who stop and stare. I've become what I thought I couldn't be ... I've worked hard to forget about what's fair in life and just keep working, focusing in on myself and my goals. I think I'm moving on, but I don't know where. I've started to wonder why I'm here and not there where others are in their paths. I know that everyone gets scared and maybe that is the point that I'm at? Steady hands just take the wheel and steer me away from the fear. It's scary becoming what you thought you never could be and overcoming obstacles that seemed impossible. Sometimes I wonder if others can see what I see? Sometimes things pull my focus away and I stand in doubt of myself. It's one of those things about me that I don't like, but maybe everyone has these moments? I don't know? Change is a glorious, wonderful, and scary journey. I guess I just hope that others know that change in any and all forms in our lives is a miracle; and never an easy feat no matter which part of the change you are on ... the person changing or the person watching someone you love or care about change.