Follow up ... on Previous Two Posts

So in my previous two posts ... I've talked about the fact that I'm struggling.

Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you feel like you are reaching certain goals, but at the same time other things are just coming apart at the seams? I feel like I don't have any close friends anymore; for example other than my sister and the folks that I hang out with from my 4 wheeling club. I'm really lacking in the friend department. I don't have girlfriends that I can call and grab some dinner. Girlfriends that I can call and go shopping! Girlfriends who would like to grab some coffee and talk about the day. Sometimes that just makes me feel lonesome. I feel like I used to have lots of girlfriends to hang out & chat. These days everyone is just so busy those times are a rarity.

Now I'm not at all trying to down play the time that I spend with my sister & IV - I spend a lot of time with them in fact most of my time that I'm not working or sleeping I spend with them, partially due to the lacking in the friend department. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with AJ & IV - because I do so much; it's just I've started to wonder about my life changing. I know that everyone goes through changes in their lives & maybe mine has to due with my changing jobs, changing habits, or just growing apart? I'm really not sure?

As I sit here in my goal jeans that I bought last July - I keep wondering; when you change on the outside and then slowly change on the inside - are you the only one that is effected or is everyone around you effected as well? Do I push people away by talking about the changes that I've made in my life? Is it my appearance? Is it that I'm not the same person that others enjoyed being friends with? I don't know? Maybe my struggle lies within all of these questions? I want to be honest about the fact that there are things that are happening that I'm telling you a year ago I would've sworn up and down that would never happen to me and my girlfriends.

Shortly after I started my new job; I started praying about it and asking the Lord to send me a new friend. I have made a new friend at the office and she's a great gal. She likes to go running at lunch with me! It's so fun. I'm hoping that our new friendship will blossom into having someone to talk to and have fun with! I'm very happy that I've made a new friend. I guess I just have to pray and hope that everything turns out for the best. I guess I just wonder what I've done wrong. Or is it about doing something wrong as much as it is about people changing? I don't know I guess, which leaves me a little frustrated, because I just want to know what causes things to happen. Possibly so that I can avoid said things in the future.

I know that I don't usually post about being upset or having frustrations, but I want to be honest at the same time and let you all know why I've been having some trouble posting lately. This is one of the things that is bothering me so I'm putting it out there for the world to see.... As well as the fact that I've again been thinking about my adoption wishes and it troubles me as well ... but I'll save that for my next post!

I hope that this finds you all happy and healthy! Many blessings - MandyJo

Questions about my adoption...

This blog posted started out as a response to a comment posted on my blog.... but then I felt like it kind of turned into a post so I ended up posting it instead I hope that you all don't mind. Blessings to you all.... my best wishes for you all. Please read.

I am still hoping to adopt and I haven't forgot about my adoption, but God's hand is moving in my life in so many ways. I just started a new job and I honestly don't believe it's financially responsible to start an adoption with as much debt as I'm in and the fact that I'm creating a single income family. So what I'm doing is trying to excel at my new job, work hard, they are going to send me back to school, so that I have more earning potential and yes I'm waiting on my adoption to see how the new job shakes out. I have to wait for God's timing as well as my own and yes my weight loss is a big focus right now, but everyone prepares for life changes in a different way. I have no idea where the road that God has me on is going to lead me. For all I know maybe I'm getting healthy so that I can meet the man of my dreams and we can adopt together or maybe I've been blessed w/ this new job so that I can afford to adopt on my own. I just don't know where it's leading me. Don't worry that I'm not focusing on my adoption it is in the back of my mind at all times but when you are single sometimes you have to look at the big picture and the financial key is a big thing. I don't feel that God would send me in the wrong direction. I think maybe having faith and trust is something that I just have to believe in. I know that my adoption will happen when the time is right for me. God's plan never fails. I was a miracle baby who made it through so many trials and tribulations and I've always known he has a special plan for me. As for the fact that I've been focusing on my weigh loss, I don't feel like this is a bad thing. It's taught me to work hard to persevere through hard times, to wait and be patient. To see the small changes in myself, to be aware of myself, and to really see in my life the people who are there supporting me and also to learn the tough lessons of those who are only there to support you when it's best for them. Let me say I've learned some hard lessons through this weight loss. I've learned the importance of acceptance of not only myself and my shortcomings, but what I can deal with from others who I thought were my friends. I've learned that my family is one of the greatest blessings that I could have asked for but never really knew how much they truly loved me until I stepped back and started working on loving myself. So I want to say I know that my blog has changed in the past year, but I don't think that is a bad thing. I think everyone evolves in one way or another. I haven't given up my goal of adoption even if I lose all my weight, or find the man of my dreams, or stay single - I still want to be an adoptive parent.
Thanks for listening ..... you're all always in my prayers.