So in my previous two posts ... I've talked about the fact that I'm struggling.
Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you feel like you are reaching certain goals, but at the same time other things are just coming apart at the seams? I feel like I don't have any close friends anymore; for example other than my sister and the folks that I hang out with from my 4 wheeling club. I'm really lacking in the friend department. I don't have girlfriends that I can call and grab some dinner. Girlfriends that I can call and go shopping! Girlfriends who would like to grab some coffee and talk about the day. Sometimes that just makes me feel lonesome. I feel like I used to have lots of girlfriends to hang out & chat. These days everyone is just so busy those times are a rarity.
Now I'm not at all trying to down play the time that I spend with my sister & IV - I spend a lot of time with them in fact most of my time that I'm not working or sleeping I spend with them, partially due to the lacking in the friend department. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with AJ & IV - because I do so much; it's just I've started to wonder about my life changing. I know that everyone goes through changes in their lives & maybe mine has to due with my changing jobs, changing habits, or just growing apart? I'm really not sure?
As I sit here in my goal jeans that I bought last July - I keep wondering; when you change on the outside and then slowly change on the inside - are you the only one that is effected or is everyone around you effected as well? Do I push people away by talking about the changes that I've made in my life? Is it my appearance? Is it that I'm not the same person that others enjoyed being friends with? I don't know? Maybe my struggle lies within all of these questions? I want to be honest about the fact that there are things that are happening that I'm telling you a year ago I would've sworn up and down that would never happen to me and my girlfriends.
Shortly after I started my new job; I started praying about it and asking the Lord to send me a new friend. I have made a new friend at the office and she's a great gal. She likes to go running at lunch with me! It's so fun. I'm hoping that our new friendship will blossom into having someone to talk to and have fun with! I'm very happy that I've made a new friend. I guess I just have to pray and hope that everything turns out for the best. I guess I just wonder what I've done wrong. Or is it about doing something wrong as much as it is about people changing? I don't know I guess, which leaves me a little frustrated, because I just want to know what causes things to happen. Possibly so that I can avoid said things in the future.
I know that I don't usually post about being upset or having frustrations, but I want to be honest at the same time and let you all know why I've been having some trouble posting lately. This is one of the things that is bothering me so I'm putting it out there for the world to see.... As well as the fact that I've again been thinking about my adoption wishes and it troubles me as well ... but I'll save that for my next post!
I hope that this finds you all happy and healthy! Many blessings - MandyJo
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I think that if your friends have slipped away because of your changes then it might not be an entirely bad thing. You are changing because you wanted to. If they can't handle that then it is their problem not yours. I'm guessing you haven't changed how you are with them so it's nothing you have done.
I have a good friend that I'm fairly certain will begin slipping away now that we have Izzy home. It's nothing I've done just our lives have become way too different. And it's not just because she doesn't have children. She has different values then we do and it's more evident with a child. Some of her special quirks I can put up with but I don't want my child around. (language and values)
I'm glad you've made a new friend at work. I'll be praying for you.
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