Update 3/2/08

First off let me say I'm sorry that I haven't updated my blog in so long! I really miss all of you! I guess I'm at a rough patch. I am at the new job where I'm learning so much and working all the time. I can't believe how much information I've soaked up since I started and things that I'd have never even thought about that are now second nature to me. I'm working a whole lot of hours and I started school in Feb and then I'm trying to fit in training sessions with EV to lose the last part of my weight - I've lost 75 pounds at this point and I've got another 25 pounds left to go. My weight loss has definitely slowed due to the stress of the new job, school, and just generally I'm tired - more than I was before because I've got a further drive and more that I'm responsible for at the offices. I'm happy, but I still haven't met a special guy - which I thought I might if I lost weight - not that I was depending on that because I'm not I'm just concerned that with the new job to make more money to be able to afford to adopt; will I have enough time for a child and the thought of that just stresses me to the max because I took the job so that I could work towards affording the adoption and now I'm sitting in the position that I'm concerned if I'll be able to have the time even if I can afford to adopt? Does that make sense? So I'm just worried at this point. Worried about making the right decisions and the fact that I miss working with my sister and baby IV - and what makes matters worse is when I do get time to go and visit AJ, EV and IV - if I leave the room for a minute or go out of IV's sight she bawls and cries and literally has a meltdown and it's just as bad if I leave to go home to my house. Which makes me feel like the world's most evil auntie! Here is a picture of her when she was very happy! I'd just given her a bath and was getting her all jammied up! I love putting updated pictures of IV on my blog she is just so sweet and cute! I love her so much!
Although from a financial standpoint I'm doing well and working hard at paying off the debt that I'd stacked up! So that is a major plus - I know that God's timing is not my timing, I just worry if I made the right decision. I'm sure that it was the right decision if I'm able to pay off bills and still put away money and maybe I should just look at it as the fact of the matter is the job is new and I'm learning once I'm done with school and not learning so much maybe there will be more downtime; to fit a baby into the mix. Also my sister AJ keeps telling me you never know when you could meet Mr. Right and fall head over heels in love ... she is much more optimistic than I am .... I found this and it makes me a little more optimistic that maybe my Mr. Right (or AKA: Marlboro Man) could be out there - check out Ree's blog - http://thepioneerwoman.com/category/the_night_i_met_marlboro_man
So who knows - for stress relief I went four wheeling a while back check out some of my photo albums.
http://community.webshots.com/user/muddinGrl78

Also about my weight loss; Adrienne (http://our-journey-to-parenthood.blogspot.com/) asked me to post some before and after pictures - and I haven't gotten any really good ones .... but here is a link to a before - http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2645078120102633595ejvXyB - when I was atleast 75 pounds heavier if not more and then here is a recent picture from my birthday 1/26 a side view.
And here is a close up of my sister and me at my birthday - I'll have to see if I have anymore pictures that are more recent.

Here is a full body shot from the middle of January -

Let's see at this point that is what is going on with me! I hope that this post finds everyone happy and healthy! Also I wanted to tell Rachel -thank you for inspiring this post for me! I was really having a rough time knowing what to say or what to post about the way I'd been feeling! So Thank You Rachel - here's her blog link if you don't know Rachel - http://journeywiththewilliamsfamily.blogspot.com/ - Check out her blog - because I'm so happy for her! She and Troy just got their referral! Also Carey is going to be picking up her little girl soon to bring her home! I'm so happy that their family will be moving from 3 members to 4! WHOO HOO! Check out Carey's blog too! http://russianfairytale.blogspot.com/ - Carey and her mother are picking up their little girl today! I can't wait to see the pictures because the preview pictures of her little pigtails are so cute! Well I had better get to bed now because I'm exhausted! Have a great Sunday evening folks!
MandyJo

Weight Loss Update for January 11th, 2008

So I'm sure you folks are wondering where I'm at with my weight loss. Six months ago today, I decided I wanted to change my life and not just change my life but to be a healthier person. My aim to be a healthier person was motivated by so many things.
I think that I'd like to list a few of them.

1. I wanted to be the best parent that I could possibly be - since I was thinking I would be a single parent.
2. I wanted to be able to run
3. I wanted to be a better hockey player.
4. I wanted to feel beautiful in my own skin.
5. I wanted to be someone that IV, my niece could look up too.
6. I was inspired by my sister and the way she had/has lost her baby weight from being pregnant with IV.
7. I wanted to feel sexy.
8. I wanted to see if I could make the healthy changes.
9. I wanted to be better on my wheeler.

My weight loss wasn't something that I decided on a whim, I'd thought and thought about the things that I wanted for myself and even thought about the things that I wanted for my future family. It was something that I thought that I owed it to myself to work on even if I wasn't sure I could make it? Over the past 6 months ... (yup I started on July 11th, 2007) I have started over with myself and kind of given up control of what my head tells me is best and letting EV (my trainer) tell me what I should be doing. Should I be eating this or training here - I let him guide me. I have never felt so proud of myself and so comfortable in my own skin in my whole life. I have gone through my closet and gotten rid of clothes a couple times and one of those times I tried on my prom dress from my senior high school prom which I went to alone because I didn't have a date and you know what my prom dress was too big for me. That felt incredible. A real accomplishment something that I worked for and stuck with and I did it, for myself. I'm one of those people who never does for myself. I am always doing for others and putting myself last. After six months do I still make some mistakes and struggle to eat right? Somedays are harder than others, but I really feel like I'm not scared to keep working towards my goals. Today is a special day for a couple of reasons. I've made it through six months of training, I have lost a total of 66 pounds, and I'm under 200 pounds, which is something I never thought would happen. I really want people to know that if you put your mind to a goal you can do it. I know that I couldn't have done it with out the support of my trainer EV, my sister, and my family and a great group of friends who are all so supportive. I know that I'd like to lose atleast 39 to 50 more pounds. I've enjoyed seeing my body, face, and looks change and it's funny when people don't recognize me or when my dentist asked me if I got gastric bypass surgery. I've inspired people to eat healthier, workout, and make healthy changes in their lives and that is something I never thought I could have done. The Lord has blessed me and in turn my blessings are inspiring and blessing others and that is the greatest gift I could give myself or someone else.

The Nanny Diaries Post ...

So I'm sure all of you knew that I'd have to see The Nanny Diaries Movie.... I'd read the book when it came out quite a while back. The movie itself was very hard for me to watch. Not because I have a bad situation where I nanny at .. but because I've been in the main characters shoes where you just love the children so much you just wish that it was different than it really is... in other words from my point of view I've always been dreaming of the time when I'd have my own children and I'd be the 'Mommy' - the one that they wanted at night & when they had a boo boo or an owie. I'm trying hard to focus on the positive things in my life, such as family, friends, my weigh loss, exercising, 4 wheeling. I don't have the money to start my adoption and I'm afraid things are just not going to come together for me. Although I wonder in a sense if the reason why I can't afford things right now is because it's not the time for me to start or I'm just not waiting and being patient for God's plan. There are somedays, I just feel overwhelmed by the fact that I'm working two jobs and I'm still not able to save the cash to get through the first part of my adoption - my goal has been to save up enough money to get through submitting my dossier. Right now I only have enough money to get through the homestudy visits. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled through this point in their adoption journey waiting to have the cash to start is just frustration. I keep thinking that I'm working on myself right now & I'm loosing the excess weight (I'm down 46 lbs. & have only 54lbs. to go) and getting healthy so that I'll be able to be a great mom to my child, so in my own little way I am working on the process. I haven't had much luck w/ searching for a new job that makes more money so that I wouldn't be forced to work two jobs to make ends meet, but I know that I need for that to happen because when I have a child I won't be able to work evenings, nights, and weekends anymore because I'll want & need to be home w/ my child. Something else I've been thinking about is going overseas to Russia to just volunteer in an orphanage. It's just that it would use up the money that I've saved towards my adoption. I've got plenty of vacation time left. I actually have 11 days of vacation left for this year and to volunteer in Russia they are two week stays. It would just seem like while I would be doing well for the children that I'd be helping in the time that I was in Russia I wouldn't be working towards the goal of adopting a child on my own. Which brings me to another thing that happened not to long ago... while I was talking with a family member... (who I'm sure did not mean any harm by the statement) the comment was made that now that I'm losing weight that I'll be able to have children the right way after I get married. The comment hurt my feelings very badly not because I wouldn't want to have bio children if I was married but because even if I get married I would still like to adopt because it has touched my heart and my very soul. So after trying to express that fact .... I was informed that if I could have my own children ... why on earth would you want to go through adoption it's so expensive and time consuming. The person just kept on about the cons of adopting and my heart just felt so sad and weighted down by the fact that I wasn't being supported in wanting something because I felt like it was the right choice for me. Have any of you had similar experiences?
Also I want to say Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of my blog friends who prayed for my sister. After some trying times she is back to herself for the most part and has been doing great! IV is still able to breastfeed and everything has worked out wonderfully. All the prayers worked! Thank you all so much.
I'm sorry that I haven't blogged in so long, things have just been so very busy w/ work and the fall season. I've been spending as much time as I can w/ my family and also working as much as I can w/ the christmas season coming up soon! I enjoy all of your blogs and thanks so much for sharing your journeys and lives w/ me. - MandyJo