So I'm sure all of you knew that I'd have to see The Nanny Diaries Movie.... I'd read the book when it came out quite a while back. The movie itself was very hard for me to watch. Not because I have a bad situation where I nanny at .. but because I've been in the main characters shoes where you just love the children so much you just wish that it was different than it really is... in other words from my point of view I've always been dreaming of the time when I'd have my own children and I'd be the 'Mommy' - the one that they wanted at night & when they had a boo boo or an owie. I'm trying hard to focus on the positive things in my life, such as family, friends, my weigh loss, exercising, 4 wheeling. I don't have the money to start my adoption and I'm afraid things are just not going to come together for me. Although I wonder in a sense if the reason why I can't afford things right now is because it's not the time for me to start or I'm just not waiting and being patient for God's plan. There are somedays, I just feel overwhelmed by the fact that I'm working two jobs and I'm still not able to save the cash to get through the first part of my adoption - my goal has been to save up enough money to get through submitting my dossier. Right now I only have enough money to get through the homestudy visits. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled through this point in their adoption journey waiting to have the cash to start is just frustration. I keep thinking that I'm working on myself right now & I'm loosing the excess weight (I'm down 46 lbs. & have only 54lbs. to go) and getting healthy so that I'll be able to be a great mom to my child, so in my own little way I am working on the process. I haven't had much luck w/ searching for a new job that makes more money so that I wouldn't be forced to work two jobs to make ends meet, but I know that I need for that to happen because when I have a child I won't be able to work evenings, nights, and weekends anymore because I'll want & need to be home w/ my child. Something else I've been thinking about is going overseas to Russia to just volunteer in an orphanage. It's just that it would use up the money that I've saved towards my adoption. I've got plenty of vacation time left. I actually have 11 days of vacation left for this year and to volunteer in Russia they are two week stays. It would just seem like while I would be doing well for the children that I'd be helping in the time that I was in Russia I wouldn't be working towards the goal of adopting a child on my own. Which brings me to another thing that happened not to long ago... while I was talking with a family member... (who I'm sure did not mean any harm by the statement) the comment was made that now that I'm losing weight that I'll be able to have children the right way after I get married. The comment hurt my feelings very badly not because I wouldn't want to have bio children if I was married but because even if I get married I would still like to adopt because it has touched my heart and my very soul. So after trying to express that fact .... I was informed that if I could have my own children ... why on earth would you want to go through adoption it's so expensive and time consuming. The person just kept on about the cons of adopting and my heart just felt so sad and weighted down by the fact that I wasn't being supported in wanting something because I felt like it was the right choice for me. Have any of you had similar experiences?
Also I want to say Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of my blog friends who prayed for my sister. After some trying times she is back to herself for the most part and has been doing great! IV is still able to breastfeed and everything has worked out wonderfully. All the prayers worked! Thank you all so much.
I'm sorry that I haven't blogged in so long, things have just been so very busy w/ work and the fall season. I've been spending as much time as I can w/ my family and also working as much as I can w/ the christmas season coming up soon! I enjoy all of your blogs and thanks so much for sharing your journeys and lives w/ me. - MandyJo
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When we started Dave wanted to wait till we had more money and I didn't. In the end we realized that as with pregnancy and waiting until we have more money you'll never be prepared if you keep waiting. But I'm not telling you to jump in, just reminding you.
Great job on the weight lose. I'm down 20 with 35-40 to go.
So sorry about the comment. That was not nice. My sister basically told us that we were awful people and that's why we couldn't get pregnant that we had to adopt. It's hard to just let those comments go sometimes. Especially if it's someone close.
Glad your sister is doing better.
I understand your desire to go to Russia to volunteer, maybe you can choose a different place closer to home that isn't as expensive. Like Guatemala. (I can put you in contact with some missionaries there if you want) Or you could see if you could help someone locally.
Keep reaching towards your goal. Don't get discouraged. Learn as much as you can now that way when it's time to do it you'll hopefully be able to move faster.
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