How this all came about - #2....

A few days later I was picking up MJ (who is MK's little sister) from swimming lessons, and in the locker room there was a beautiful little girl sitting right next to us. The little girl must've been about 2-3yrs old and her mom was getting her ready for her first swimming lesson. MJ who is six noticed that her mom and the little girl didn't match.... ( the little girl was dark Haitian w/ braids & the mom was caucasian). MJ spoke maybe a little too loud and the mom overheard and as I was saying sorry about that - the mom said no we just adopted her from Haiti. She is going to her first swimming lesson. I explained to MJ that when a child is adopted it doesn't always look like the parents. The mom was explaining about the adoption and where they went to MJ and MJ was just soaking it up like a little sponge. The mom was saying how beautiful MJ was and how much she looked like me and MJ laughed and said Manda isn't my mom but she's beautiful like me. MJ reached out and held my hand. I told the mom that I was the nanny and she said she would've never known because we look alike and I'm so good w/ MJ and I thanked her for the compliment and told her how sweet and beautiful her daughter was. I told her that I loved the braids and wondered if my neice IV would have braids like that. IV's dad is from Kenya and my sister fell in love on study abroad. They got married and had IV and I always dream of what she'll look like when she gets older. We got ready to go and said good bye and good luck and it dawned on me that this was the third thing that had happened in a matter of weeks that had pointed towards adoption. It was the week of my 29th birthday also, which I was dreading because I'd always dreamed of being married with children at this point in my life. So the next day at work at lunch time - I started searching online for adoption information. I looked on the BBB website and found an agency - but after contacting them I found out that they didn't do Russian adoptions. That agency pointed me to CHI - Children's Hope International. I sent an email out to the contact in my area - Ali & low and behold she emailed me back later that day. The email let me know that they did take singles to adopt & that I was in the age range where I'd be elligible. She said they had a meeting this coming Saturday not but 15 minutes from my house. Funny enough my Saturday plans had just cancelled that morning. So nervous I didn't know what to do with myself I dressed on Saturday morning and drove to the meeting. I was the only single person there and I felt - out of place - not because of anything anyone said or did - but seriously - I thought children need 'parents' not just a parent. Through the whole meeting I was soaking everything in and Ali told us how they had single people who adopted. I was sad to hear that China & Columbia were both closed to singles. (Technically Columbia will let single women adopt but the child has to be 8 yrs old!) For me an 8 yr old isn't an option incase I don't get married one day. So after the meeting - I stayed after and talked to Ali about all kinds of things. Why I wanted to adopt? What interested me in adoption? How this all came about? How I'd always dreamed of being a parent. How I nanny all the time, and I love the kids chaos and all! She said to me ... something I'd never dreamed of hearing .... Amanda ... did you ever think that maybe God was preparing you for the child that you were meant to have? I never thought of it that way but maybe she's right in the past 18 years I've watched so many children I don't know if I'd be able to count them all? At one point I know it was for more than 20+ families. Children have always been such a huge part of my life, maybe that is why on my birthday I was feeling such disappointment with where I was at in my life? I'd always thought that if I didn't hurry up and find prince charming there would be no babies in my future. At this turning point in my life - I've realized that it's okay now if prince charming is taking his sweet old time. I think that God has a plan for me and he's been giving me the signs and pointing me in the right directions. All I need to do is follow his lead and let him show me the way. So after talking to my mom and my sister both and getting wonderful heartfelt reactions from both of them. I talked to my pastor at church. I've talked to a counsler. I've talked to a few friends and now I've made new ones on the blogs. I went and applied for my passport and got it last month. At this point I have all the paperwork that I need to fill out, the only thing I'm scared of is the financial side of the adoption? How will I afford the cost? Where will the money come from? I think that is the only thing holding me back from filing the paperwork tomorrow.

That's all for now feel free to comment or send me your advice.... love - Amanda